I Do Not and Other Poems

This is a Raising Pagan Voices Project Submission

I do not
I do not need
I do not feel
I do not hunger
I do not love
I do not want
I do not have
I do not get
I do not believe

I hate
I fight
I push away
I run away
I hide
I survive

Lonely, ashamed,
Immoral, debased.
Broke. Emptiness.
Broken spirit, no life,
No feelings, nothing.
No-one. Bored. Dead heart.
Untouched, lifeless,
scared, hypnotised.
Darkness, silence,
Anger, rage, spite.
Hate, aggression,
Black hole.
Lack of trust.

From a distance,
I hear you laughing.
I hear my name.
It hurts.

Give me a chance
Can’t squeeze love.
If they don’t give it freely,
they don’t want it,
don’t need it.
But give me a chance.

I am a lover
I am a lover.
I’m an outcast.
I’m your friend.
I’m totally lost.
Without you I’m just me.
With you I am much more.

As I wake
My eyes light
as I wake
to see you there
by my side.

It makes me
feel happy
just to know
you are there
when I wake.

Tonight I lie and wait,
staring into nothingness.
Waiting for my heart to break.
I lie and think of you.
I hear myself cry.
Tonight I cry and wait.